Day Light
by slutherinpride
Summary: It's not about how they met, or how they fell in love or how they would fight all the time due to their differences. Daylight it's a different vision from inside of Scorpius and Rose's relationship. It's about love, complicity and goodbyes.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

 **Here I am waiting, I'll have to leave soon… Why am I holding on?**

His body was warm, constantly warm – it would be extremely warm and cozy even in a snowy day. I could feel his arm lingering on my waist and his hand resting on my skin and at the same time I could catch myself thinking how funny it was that we had been spending all this time together – almost our entire lifes – counting the days for school to be over so we could finally runaway to a familiar place called home, and now here we are… hoping time would just, stop.  
I knew I was putting my foot in my mouth when I was looking - without any success – for a way to get back all that time we had lost, trying to rewind and improvise every minute and day here and there, trying to trick time and counting each second hoping that meanwhile I could turn my mind into a Polaroid camera capable of creating a mental wall full of pictures in every corner of my mind. Pictures that would show small silly things, that would only mean something to me such as the way he smiled when he saw me coming: his lips would instantly build up a smile, his dimple would appear in the right side of his mouth; or the way that he would say my name, and how deep his voice sounded and that made me feel like my name wasn't just an ordinary name, the way he used to say it made me feel like it belonged to the 9th Wonder of the World just because it came out straight of the mouth of my newest reason to be _this_ happy.

He was indeed the first guy I didn't try to understand, the first one that I let myself basically go with the flow just as easy as a summer breeze guides a little boat into a waveless ocean. He was the first guy that made me ignore my perfectionism and need of control. He was like a smooth sea, no waves, and one that I could dive in and try to figure out the deepest ends, where no one had ever been, in the deep blue water just like his eyes – where I loved to get lost, even when I didn't expect to. His white, pale skin was full of little freckles – who the hell would've thought that? – That were just as small as little sand grains, was the place I now rested. He had become my safe heaven, my anchor and my sanity.

I loved to draw in his body, connecting the little freckles with the tips of my fingers, or just run my hands open wide smoothly in his back recreating some of the thousand ways I found out that I was capable of showing him care and love in this last few months; I admire him for all he was, and I loved every little tiny part of him but his hair was the place my hands finally stopped at all times, messing with his pale blond strands that would barely touch his shoulders. That was the place I would be found in another lazy afternoon on Saturday, being so absolutely sure that I have never been this happy in such short time.

"Good Morning" his deep voice sounded in my ears accompanied by a smooth little kiss. "Good morning" I whispered back feeling my mouth open into a wide smile.

I guess it was different with us, because we didn't need to say anything. We had somehow developed a mute and entirely corporal body communication that we always knew exactly what to do, and because of that connection his hand would search for mine in moments like those, and his body would cuddle to mine. Almost like a physical bond, it was as if we had become a weird type of organism, as if we had became one. As if one of us would take a step forward, the other would do that same thing instantly.

I was completely aware that when I was next to him time was something that barely existed, it was as if a stubborn child was trying to run around at all costs while its parents would insist for it to walk instead of run, ask it to just slow down otherwise they would stubble and fall in its knees. "No need to hurry" they'd say. Time was thief that was determined to steal us from one another for some reason I didn't even care to understand, and in fact didn't seem to do anything but bring us closer together a little more every time. We didn't care about tomorrow, at least not there, not now.

"You little lazy thing." He whispered in my ear and I didn't even need to look at him to know that he was smiling. "Look who's talking" I teased him kissing his pointy chin. "You know we need to get up, Ros" I rolled my eyes. "You're such a party pooper." He looked at me pretty serious and took a deep breath. "And you're a spoiled little brat. You can stay in bed if you want." Then he gave me the eye and shook his shoulders like he didn't care at all. "Just a couple minutes" I would beg looking at him with puppy eyes. "It's hard enough for me to resist to staying in bed and you're not making it any easier" he leaned on me and kissed the top of my nose "C'mon Ros, you still need to get dressed, and I still need to walk you to the common room. You might not have practice today but I do." I got up a little reluctant. "I can get there by myself, thank you very much." He didn't even care to look at me. "Ok, so I guess you know the way."

He wouldn't ask twice and that was one of the things I loved the most about him. He would say it once, ask just once and then leave you thinking about how badly you've been behaving, in an idiotic and childish way. In that moment he just walked away from the bed going to the bathroom, his uniform was impeccably folded right beside his desk next to the door that was partially opened and from where I could see him shirtless, brushing his hair – that would never look messy when we spend the night together.

"Could you not?" He sounded a bit disturbed, but I could see him smiling a little bit with this toothbrush in his mouth "Don't be such a weirdo, you don't need to spy on me." I walked a little bit closer to bathroom and leaned a little in his direction "Well, I'm sorry if I wanted to spend a little time with you" I didn't think twice to get in, hold him from the back and kiss his shoulder. "We won't have more than four or five opportunities to spend any time together and you know that." He looked at me pretty serious before replying. "It's not the end of the world and you know that."

It's not that I didn't agree with him, I knew he was right. But there was something inside of me screaming like crazy that even though it wasn't the end of the world for him it seemed to be for me. But who was I to expect him to understand something so overestimated like my feelings, my insecurities or that scary feeling that I was about to lose him any second from now even though I never really had him? I wouldn't act any different towards him, specially when I was the one with the speech about how we were both going into different directions and that was the time that our talks would go to the darkest places – darker than the slytherin dungeons I'd dare to say.

I would always try to hide and keep up with that huge smile as if we were happily living another perfect summer day, but every time I realized that the moment we would have to leave was getting closer by the second I would find myself incapable of taming the spoiled unsatisfied little ten year old I had inside of me, and it was as if I was fighting her now that I was putting on my uniform. That uniform that now smelled just like his vape scent, just like that pain in the ass of a guy standing in front of me with a crooked smile that was so wonderful that I could feel my legs trembling.

"You know, it's not like we were not even going to talk to each other during this time, or see each other" he passed his hands thru my hair and it felt almost like a consolation prize. "No, it's not. But it's not like I could actually _be_ with you anyways." He took a deep breath again, as if he was almost losing his temper. "Rose, please." I looked him in the eye "Don't _please_ me, Scorpius. I say _please._ "

None of us said anything else, we didn't need to. We knew our feelings better than anyone; we knew our flaws, our reasons and our defenses. We both knew the reason we build our walls so up high and so hard to go thru, and that emotional self-defense was just another one of our thousand excuses or new names to our fear. Besides all that we knew how to keep our distance. The distance that would now go thru a hard time since our hands couldn't stop reaching for each other. We were doomed to the mess, confusion, chaos, being apart and a lot of pain, but none of us would have the guts to say any of these things out loud. None of us was even interested in saying the words or accepting the consequences or the monster we called that was counting the seconds to every sunrise, to every sunset of our lifes.

Quietly we walked out of the room – that was one floor above the dungeons – going straight to the Gryffindor commom room, where we stopped and looked at each other as if we were seeing one another for the first time. And there it was, that stupid dimple that would melt even my darkest thought of him, that stupid crooked smile followed by his arm pulling me closer.

"You have a nice day, Weasley." He kissed my lips softly. "You too, Malfoy."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

 **We knew this day would come. We knew it all along. How did it come so fast?  
**

Scorpius P.O.V 

Truth is I had no Idea if she noticed or not but even when she walked in front of me and seemed to be walking a completely different path I would find myself incapable of taking my eyes off her. I had memorized all the details within time – and that includes all the time we didn't spend together as well. I could tell anyone who'd want to hear me out that she would always walk in the tip of her toes – even when she was running late to classes – and how her shoes were always looking weird and old in the sides because she stepped wrong with them and I felt like I wanted to teach her how to walk all over again. I thought she was absolutely lovely and gracious and I would dare to say that Rose Weasley would move somehow somewhere in between flying and walking. Everything about her was unique – just like herself. I knew her socks would never be up high close to her knees and I could hear her voice explaining to me in a really bored tone that they would hurt her because they were way too tight to her legs, that they pissed her off and left huge ugly marks in her skin and that it was even painful sometimes. I knew she couldn't stay quiet for too long and that it was really hard for her to actually focus on classes, just like I knew how every time she took a little bite in the tip of her feather would take her in a trip to another planet in seconds. Even though I hated to admit it I knew Rose Weasley like the back of my hand, I knew every curve – it didn't matter if it belonged to her body or her smile – and I knew how badly that was killing both of us, softly, even though she would insist on believing we were living some kind of fairytale.

Every time I saw her leaving to her common room I would feel something growing smaller and tight in my chest and I would rather repeat to myself that it was just another practice to next rounds when we would actually leave each other for real, and I knew that would have to happen with all kindness possible. But my mind was still disturbing me, reminding me that we still had a couple days, maybe weeks? And that I didn't need to be so desperate, that I didn't need to feel like I was losing my ground and feel like I couldn't breathe. Or worse, lose all my composure. Thinking about her leaving – or mine – wasn't the end of the world. It was the end of another round in our lifes.

And when I felt completely convinced with this theory she would come – Merlin know's from where – running in my direction in a crazy way, putting her arms around my neck and kissing me without any notice, reminding me once more, and twice more, and three times more why and how I fell in love with her.

I can assure you it wasn't her long brown hair that would fall in her back like a waterfall; it wasn't her milky chocolate eyes or even the touch of her hand, the texture of her skin against mine. It wasn't the way our lips would match with perfection or how she made me feel like I was in living my best dream in real life. I fell in love with her without even noticing it, I fell in love with her hysterical yelling when I would do something wrong with our potion in class, I fell in love with her scandalous and mean laugh in improper moments, I fell in love with her pout every time she wouldn't get things her way and I even managed to fall in love with her even when she was chasing me in the Quidditch field trying to stop me from catching the Golden Snitch. I fell in love with her spontaneity, her authenticity and most of all I fell in love with her because it really felt like I had no other option. Because in one of these mornings I woke up and realized that I just couldn't fight it anymore, that I didn't hate her at all and that from a smart ass know it all she became the most amazing girl I have ever met, and that I wanted to have her in my arms as fast as I could and never let her go.

Some people take months, days maybe. I took seven years.

"When are you going to tell her?" "I have no idea, I thought we had talked about that" I rolled my eyes to my best friend. "Do you really need to keep things from your girlfriend?" a female voice joined the conversation a little too self-assured. I knew they've been waiting for the right time to gang up on me. "She's not my girlfriend." I answered careless and she rolled her eyes at me this time. "We're just seeing each other ok? I don't need to label it, and neither does she." "Yeah, specially with you leaving the country right after classes are done, right?" George kept on going. "I still can't believe you'll leave without saying goodbye to me in a proper way" She put her arm around mine. "I don't know what changed in you that made you settle down like that in these past few weeks…" I took her arm politely away from mine "You know what Gina, you're one of my best friends and I want to keep it that way so don't push it ok? We had our thing and that was it, a thing." George raised his eyebrow at me. "And what is she?"

George and Georgina Parkinson were twins and not just any ordinary set of twins, they were my best friends since the first day of school – to my mom's delight since she had to put up with their mom always at our place throwing herself at my dad with an unpleasant frequency. Even though they were twins, they were complete opposites: while George was that kind of guy that liked to keep things to himself Georgina was a little bit like her mom. Accordingly to what I've heard from my dad in one of the many discussions my parents had after one of the visits she paid us. But I had grown to love them, they had a huge spot in my life and I wouldn't push them away because they were trying to do what any sane friend would do for the other. And maybe things were like that between us because in the beginning they were my only friends, the only ones to reach out without expecting me to just curse them or something like that – even call Voldemort somehow. I loved their company because while Georgina would distract me whenever it was necessary, George would always bring me back to reality, just like it was happening now.

Knowing Georgina it was obvious she was planning the ideal moment to ask the question and George was waiting to analyze my answer – they worked like that. And truth be told I didn't know how to answer, after all I didn't even know what she was to me, or what whatever it was that we had was, or why she would have such an effect on me. I didn't know how to answer because she had all control when she was with me – even though she never really realized that – and I knew even less how to answer what has changed in me after her.

"Scorp?" Gina lifted my chin with her fingertips "Earth to Scorpius." "C'mon now Gina, don't." I took her hand away from my face and smiled. "You're finally taking something serious in your life let's not ruin that ok?" She looked at me with a skeptical face. "Me or you?" "It doesn't really matter." I looked away trying to show I wanted to change the topic of the conversation. "You still didn't give me an answer. When are you going to tell her?" George insisted and I looked him in the eyes even though he looked back at me with crazy eyes. "I don't know ok? Try to understand me here, ok? We both play in the same position for different teams." "And your families hate each other as well." Gina added happily. "My mom doesn't really like your mom if you really want to compare things." I teased instantly in the moment I felt like I had to stand up for Rose. "Focus you two." George stopped us, and put his hand on my shoulder. "Look man, I understand. I understand you don't want to put her in that situation." "No you don't." I mumbled. "We're competing for the same scholarship. She also wants to leave" "You don't really know that for sure yet." He said trying to reason me. "Or where does she wants to go" Gina completed winking at me. "Maybe you guys want to go to different places." "And that doesn't help me at all. I'm either taking her spot or flying thousands of miles away." George gave me a pat on the back. "Since when do you overreact like that?" Gina looked at me as if I was losing my mind. "I had no idea you would be so unrecognizable when you actually fell in love. I'm almost rooting for both of us to get positions away from each other so you won't actually see the Queen of the Poor that often because you're acting like an idiot." She rolled her eyes at me looking bored. "What? I mean it. You used to be a lot of fun back in the day!"

She wasn't really good with keeping things to herself which meant that I knew that she actually wanted to say each and every word she said in our conversation. I knew that just like I knew that if it wasn't for Rose I'd still be tangled up with her anywhere we could find. We always had a friend with benefits kind of deal that made our lifes so much easier in every little part of it and that was the responsible part of our _friendship_ that was now turning into a little chaotic mess. It's not like she had feelings for me or anything – I knew she didn't – and I never had them for her anyways, it's just that she was really possessive about me and the fact that somehow she lost me was kinda showing a little too much in her pale face since Rose's has been showing the widest smile I had ever seen in years. Georgina had someone, lots of someones, lots of people that she loved to waste time with and have fun with and I knew that something had changed to her in a while and that she wouldn't assume this because of status or silly things I had no idea what they were – so I didn't really get involved when the topic came up. Especially now that I have been letting her know pretty clearly that house, family or blood weren't good enough of a reason for you not to allow yourself to be happy – and after that I told them both I had kissed Rose Weasley for the first time.

"You know that you have to tell her before anyone else does." George insisted, being the bastard that he always is. "George I thought about it and I agree but what the hell do you want me to do?" "I don't know, try to find five minutes in between the time you guys are basically drooling into each other and throw the truth out there. She needs a reality shock." Gina said fiercely and I looked at her kinda pissed off. "What? It's the truth ok Romeu? You need it too." I looked away trying to ignore her. "I'm actually considering giving up the scholarship and taking a year off." "Have you fucking lost you stupid mind you asshole?" George yelled at me. "You totally lost it, that's it. Merlin you need a fucking intervention. Are you sure that Weasley girl didn't give you a Love Potion, word has it she's really good at it… I mean you say it so I don't really think that counts." Now was my turn to yell and get mad. "What the hell? What's the biggie? I mean I don't need that scholarship, or the money. I know I always wanted to play first league but it's not like this would somehow ruin all my opportunities in the future. After all I'm still one of the best seekers the school has ever had." "Yeah, when you don't let your girlfriend catch the snitch." Gina said with a mean voice. "You know what, my sister is right. And I don't say that very often. And that's fucking scary and that should show you how mental you are! Since this girl came along you're someone else. You'd never give up Quidditch!"

I knew he was right, but maybe he hasn't quite realized that whatever changed in me was something that changed for good. If someone told me that one day I wouldn't think twice to give up anything over a life, a real life with someone, for a lazy sunday morning like the ones I've been having for a while I would have said they lost their mind. But I did, I wanted to give it up. I wanted to let her know that from one of my crazy uncertain ideas she became the only certainty I had in my life and that I didn't want to play, I didn't want to see the world if that meant losing any second beside her. That I would give up not just the spot, but I also would give up the distance and buy a little house somewhere in London so we could be closer to each other if she agreed to give these things or any other things that were tearing us apart up. But I wouldn't do it. I would just choose to stay sane, hidden in my comfort zone where she'd just see whatever seemed necessary to allow me to be part of her life. To let her know for sure that we were safe one more day, instead of letting her know I wanted to keep us safe for our entire lifes.

"Train like a man because I think Rose Weasley cut your favorite toy and has been carrying it around with her to the library" Gina kissed my face. "If our team loses, I'll make sure you won't have any other toy for the entertainment of the poor." "Thanks Gina, you're lovely." I kissed her cheek back and watcher her walk away. "You get me, don't you man?" I asked George hoping that he would say yes. "Actually I don't. How long has it been Scorp? A month? It's been a month that you've been seen this girl and you guys don't even spend that much time together since she's always surrounded with lots of people and you're always hanging out with us. You guys are so different and I don't really see how this could work at any level and…" "I don't need time or a reason." "Please don't say you need her." He rolled his eyes at me skeptical. "Who are you and what did Rose Weasley do to my best friend? Look, I knew it. I've always known you'd two would fall for each other at some point. There was something there, but that's it. Muggles call it chemistry, not love."

I fought the impulse of explaining to him that to me chemistry was just the combustible to love, but that wasn't even worth it. It wasn't worth it trying to make my best friend understand that he wasn't losing me because I didn't spend that much time with our games or our parties, or smoking mandrake together at the lake. It wasn't worth it because he knew me well enough to understand that no matter what he said that wouldn't change anything for me. And I knew him enough to know that none of my explanations would make sense to him for me to make those decisions, and for Merlin's sake they didn't make sense even to me! 

It's just that, every time I looked at her – no matter if it was in the library or the class room, or even sitting at the bench with her face hidden in a huge book that would probably stink a lot – I knew it was her.

What I didn't know was if my future could wait for her or if she would have to wait for it, and that would kill me every single day.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER**  
So, hey everyone, I'm Boo! I just wanted to say that I'm really thankfull for all of you guys who took your time to go and read Daylight. This is a fanfic I originally wrote in Portuguese (and it's already finished), and I'm translating it to English. I'm actually from Brazil, so please, if there's anything that doesn't make sense, absolutely terrible grammatical mistakes _PLEASE_ let me know so I can fix it. This is the first time I'm actually doing it, so I think I'll me making a lot of mistakes. And review it guys, I'd love to know your thoughts about the story! Thanks again!

 **Chapter Three**

 **This is our last night, but it's late and I'm trying not to sleep. 'Cause I know when I wake, I will have to slip away.**

That weird feeling in my chest seemed to be there to stay, and I had no Idea if that was happiness or agony and that was making me lose my mind – especially if you decided to put this together in the list of things I found out I can't control. The truth is, it was finally over and at the same time I was so bummed it was over that it made absolutely no sense. It's just that something seemed a little bit out of place, a little out of context, and even though I wanted to feel whole and proud of myself that little voice inside my head kept on laughing in a really evil laugh kind of way reminding me that it was impossible. It was the last day of school indeed, and even though our countdown board showed us we had zero days left for graduation, even though it was shining so bright that it was hurting my eyes and pulsing like an exciting beating heart reminding me that I was finally done with this crap after seven long years stuck inside this old castle being magically educated, nothing, not even the loud noise of all my fellow companions seemed to cheer me up.

I really wanted to be capable of being one of the kids from the countdown choir almost singing "ten, nine..." and smiling as if that was the best and happiest day of my life so far, even though I really wanted to throw my scarf to the air and watch it change from Gryffindor colors to a black one with the word "Graduated" on it with golden fancy letters, something there felt deeply wrong, incomplete and it was seriously bothering me in a level I could not describe.

I think that I started looking around the patio searching for him and his Green and Silver tie in a messy knot out of instinct, and looking at him I could see that he seemed so fucking happy, with that huge smile on his face – but why wouldn't he be anyways? He looked thrilled; he was talking _a lot_ about something that was instantly interesting just because it was coming out of his mouth. My heart skipped a beat reminding me that lately I've been having lots and lots of butterflies living in my stomach and that they were not polite ones. Without even noticing it I rolled my eyes and mumbled " _why_ ". And that it's something you just don't do when you're this close to your family, you don't mumble and complain about things you definitely don't want to explain.

"I swear to Merlin that it seems you're walking straight to your death." Albus whispered in my ear. "We're graduating! Bye Bye old smelly castle, bye bye stinky library, bye bye dungeons..." Without even thinking I couldn't stop my mouth of saying it. "Bye bye Scorpius…" But when I realized it was already too late. "You say like it's a bad thing." Albus raised his eyebrown at me. "Wait, you do say as if it was a bad thing. Rose?" "I don't want to talk about it" I try to look the other way and took a step forward trying to get as far as possible from him. "What do you mean you don't want to talk about it, I'm your bestfriend!" "Oh, I'm sorry, I had no idea that was a good enough reason to make me talk about something I just don't want to." I replied in a sassy way. "I'm not following. First you look as happy as you'd look if you knew it was your funeral, second you seemed to be unhappy about leaving Malfoy behind, and I really want to believe that these two are not related. You hate the guy" "I hated." I corrected him, still being unable to look him in the eyes. "C'mon now Rose, you're a smart one. You wouldn't fall for that crap. Not you. Everybody knows him and Georgina..." "Like father, like son" my brother decided to pop out of nowhere and give his stupid opinion where it wasn't even been asked for. "We're talking about Malfoy, right? He's such a douche. At least Gina is a hottie." "Shut the fuck up!" I snapped at him slapping him and when I realized what has happened I was already walking pretty fast - or should I say running? – Away from them. But of course, they wouldn't take the hint that I wanted to be alone and would follow me like the stalkers they truly are.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Hugo yelled at me while trying to catch up with my pace, being the jerk he could be he wouldn't stop yelling and following me, Albus right behind him a couple steps trying to contain him but I knew I had unleashed the beast. They were looking at me as if I was insane, but all I really wanted was to get the hell away from that place – what the hell was I celebrating after all? I wanted to be a part of the ceremony just as much as I wanted to keep millennial senseless family traditions, if only James was here… He'd understand. James _liked_ him. Albus did too, after all they used to talk a lot, and they were from the same house for Merlin's sake! It made absolutely no sense that he would talk to me like that. I could understand my brother, being the son of Ron Weasley its kind hard not to become excessive dramatic and full of complains about anything that you dislike, but not Albus. He was the son of Harry fucking Potter and his huge forgiveness and non judging policy.

"Are you crying?" his deep voice sound nurturing and when he held my arm in the middle of the crowd trying to stop me I felt that I could finally breathe. "Rose?" "What did you do to my sister you asshole?" Hugo pointed his finger towards Scorpius, his voice getting louder and louder. "Why is she crying?" Scorpius looked at him and from him to me. "Probably because she has a troll for a brother." He replied. "Because you are the only asshole here, Hugo. If you couldn't understand it when you saw me run AWAY from you, please understand it now. I don't want to be anywhere near you. Or you for that matter." I looked at Albus. "Scorpius?" he said looking at him, sounding a bit more serious than usual. "I thought I told you I didn't want to be near you. And that also means I need you to shut up." I said pointing my finger to his face. "Scorpius?" he tried once more and Scorpius looked at him and I couldn't understand the guilty in his eyes. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." He said in a low voice. "I don't know what is going on between you and Rose but I know it's not ideal." He looked right inside his blue eyes. "It's about you guys being who you are, but the whole situation you got yourselves into. And man, even though I'd love to believe that this is just one of your reckless attitudes to add to the list of reckless stupid things you've done so far to get what you want, I think it's passed the time to tell her." "Tell me what?" I interrupted trying to remain calm but at this point I felt like I could punch all of them. "He's trying for the same spot and scholarship you are, Rose. You're both trying for American Red Sox."

People usually say that some silences talk more than words and that was the exact feeling I had at the time. I knew it was true even though he didn't say it. And it wasn't because he looked as if he was paralyzed and incapable of speaking a single word to give me what I was craving: some answers. I felt tears starting to fall from my eyes and Albus hand in my shoulder supporting me, but there was this little part of me who was still trying to find a reason, a plausible explanation for that, because that couldn't be the real one. It wasn't because of a stupid spot at a team he didn't even need! He wasn't that kind of guy that would use someone to get what he wanted, right? I mean, at least not me. My mind was working fast thru some disconnected thoughts and somewhere far away I could hear him telling me that it was so stupid that we had to own that vision of our families, and that we had to learn how to accept each other for who we were. It made no sense.

"In the beginning…" his voice failed him. "In the beginning maybe, but Rose… I didn't decide to get to know you because I had second intentions on you, I wouldn't want you to think that low of me." "It's just that I thought it was mutual, I thought that…" he reached for my hand and I took a step back from him. "And it is! In the beginning I realized you were not the person I thought you were, and you became more and more interesting by the second, so interesting that I had to make a choice. And I did." I took another step back. "How could you lie to me for all this time?" He took a step towards me, but didn't try to reach me this time. "I didn't lie to you. I never lied to you." "Oh c'mon now! Don't just say you didn't want to talk about it..." "We started to get to know each other better and I found out about the scholarship. That you were the person I was competing against when all those coaches came to the field. I wanted it too. And it's not like you're thinking and that's not how I wanted you to find out about it. And this is one of the many reasons why sometimes I questioned myself about how far this could go, if it was really worth it. Your family it's always interfering and getting their nose where they don't belong. And it's just too much."

And then he turned his back on me.

Somehow he disappeared in between all these people walking in all directions, jumping and celebrating without even looking back. While he was doing it, it was like I had a movie being showed to me inside my mind, a happy romantic movie full of our best memories, our loud laughs, the way we touched each other, all the words and all the silences. Everything I have ever wanted, and everything I never thought I'd want if that was even possible. He was all that and more, and it hurt like a bitch to see him walking away from me without being able to do anything. Even though I was really mad I couldn't help but thinking that he wasn't that wrong after all, and that I didn't mention it either. Not that I was trying out for the spot, not even that I was one of the finalists. Honestly I didn't even expect to pass it, so why ask something from him that I didn't do myself? What were we to even ask or expect anything from each other? The only thing I wanted to demand from him right now was that he'd take me in his arms, hold my face with both hands and kiss my mouth slowly so I could feel his lips in mine and the pressure from our bodies moving against each other. And instead, all I had was that stupid celebration noise at the end, trying to hold back my tears while I watched him jumping and laughing with his friends while they counted the seconds to leave – as if nothing has ever happened.

While I watched him celebrate the end of an era that included me, hoping to start a new one as fast as he could, one that I was definitely not a part of.


End file.
